We are here to answer your questions about difficult situations you may face and to lead you in the right direction.
Question?
One afternoon, 4 year old Cheryl came home sobbing and reported that Mr. Johnson, a neighbor and long-time friend, had taken down her pants and touched her "private parts." Her mother was shocked. She had always believed Mr. Johnson to be an honest, decent man, which made her wonder if Cheryl;s imagination had simply run wild. Yet Mr. Johnson had sometimes seemed a but peculiar, so her daughter's claim didn't have a rung of truth. What should she do?
Answer...
Even if you are not sure as to if you should believe your child or let the situation go, you should act like she is telling the truth because it is better to be safe than to be sorry. Although there is no real evidence showing that Mr. Johnson did touch Cheryl's "private parts" other than Cheryl saying that he did, there isn't any evidence saying that he didn't either. Cheryl could have made up the story but it makes you think, why would a child make up such a story and where would they get the idea from? Children can make false memories, but these are a result of some real information and some false information. As Cheryl's mother you should begin to investigate the problem by talking to Cheryl. When talking to her you shouldn't ask any misleading questions that would make her assume something. It is also important to keep stable emotion and control when asking her questions so that you don't put emphasis on certain words like "he did" and "private parts." Also do not pressure her into remembering what happened because this could make her start to develop false memories. Some appropriate questions you could ask her would be:
- Where she went that day?
- Who did she see?
- Did anything happen?
These are all open ended questions that should guide you to some truth. If at the end of talking to Cheryl you believe that she is telling the truth the next step would be to talk to Mr. Johnson. It is just as important to talk to Mr. Johnson as you were to Cheryl by keeping emotions under control, not asking misleading questions and by not putting emphasis on certain words. It may be helpful not to start your conversation with Mr. Johnson by accusing him of touching Cheryl's "private parts." If you initially accuse him of this he will become offensive and your answers to questions that follow may not provide any assurance of whether or not he touched Cheryl. Some appropriate questions that you could ask Mr. Johnson would be:
- What he did that day?
- If he saw Cheryl?
- Where he saw her if he did?
- What occurred when he saw her?
If after your talk with Mr. Johnson you still believe that Cheryl is telling the truth, now is the time to bring the authorities in. The police will be able to handle the situation much better than you would. In this type of situation it is important to stick to your gut and not let false information mislead you to the truth.
- Where she went that day?
- Who did she see?
- Did anything happen?
These are all open ended questions that should guide you to some truth. If at the end of talking to Cheryl you believe that she is telling the truth the next step would be to talk to Mr. Johnson. It is just as important to talk to Mr. Johnson as you were to Cheryl by keeping emotions under control, not asking misleading questions and by not putting emphasis on certain words. It may be helpful not to start your conversation with Mr. Johnson by accusing him of touching Cheryl's "private parts." If you initially accuse him of this he will become offensive and your answers to questions that follow may not provide any assurance of whether or not he touched Cheryl. Some appropriate questions that you could ask Mr. Johnson would be:
- What he did that day?
- If he saw Cheryl?
- Where he saw her if he did?
- What occurred when he saw her?
If after your talk with Mr. Johnson you still believe that Cheryl is telling the truth, now is the time to bring the authorities in. The police will be able to handle the situation much better than you would. In this type of situation it is important to stick to your gut and not let false information mislead you to the truth.